It amazes me that I have been so strong and able to do so many things in life independently, yet when it comes to food, I am weaker than Kool Aid in the ocean. I could sit and read cookbooks for hours. I love it when there are pictures of the finished recipe. I love the concepts behind fancy cakes with elaborate fillings, standing rib roasts fit for royalty and the quest for the best pizza pie in the area. This, of course, is directly correlated to the growth spurt also known as my waistline.
I tell myself constantly that I'm going to cut it out. I'm going to give up the sweets. I'm going to cook only low-fat, low-calorie meals. I'm going to count calories. I'm going to work out every day. And...then....I don't. Don't get me wrong, my intentions are wonderful. I buy an arsenal of health food. Bags of arugula, tomatoes, fresh mushrooms, whole grain pastas and mass quantities of boneless, skinless chicken breasts. Then I find a recipe that calls for things like that...and just a little cheese. So I add the cheese. And it looks so good, I add a little more. And then one of my children says, "Mom, can we have more cheese on this?" And I cave. I dump in the whole bag. Calcium, right?
That's part of the problem. My little Gabriel is very underweight, and I know I have to pad his calorie intake daily. Butter on everything, extra cheese, extra cookies. Sometimes I forget I'm not Gabriel.
Or, my other classic move is what I call "little bit" eating. I eat a healthy breakfast...and my staple, coffee. I eat a small, but healthy lunch. Something with protein and whole grain. Dinner is chock full of veggies. Good stuff. But....all throughout the day, I pick up "little bits." This may include the remaining 3 Cheetos on one of the boys' lunch plates, a couple M&M's that I've got in my pocket for Gabe's "reward" when he goes on the potty, a handful of crackers while I search the pantry for dinner supplies....and then when I cook, I sample that too.
So, I implore anyone who is reading...how do I stop the vicious cycle? How do I gain the willpower? How do I deny myself these demonic carb-avore dishes and cakes and pies that pack on pounds? Did I mention that during the act of eating, I am amazingly satisfied and content with the world? It's like harmony in my mouth? It would be like an emotional detachment to remove such bliss from my life?
It's not that I'm morbidly obese. It's not that I'm hideous....although there are days I feel that way. I am simply not where I want to be. I want to fit into old jeans that I once loved. I want to wear a bathing suit without feeling...lumpy. I admit, winter is my worst time for this dilemma. I can hide my body more, this way. I would love, though, to have a tried and true way to do this, to conquer this, rather than to battle it every day with only minor success. I'm open to suggestions, folks.
No comments:
Post a Comment