The Trade-off

There are very few women I know who find the right things in life the first time. I do know a couple, don't get me wrong. One girl I graduated high school with married her high school sweetheart a year or so after we graduated, and they had three lovely little ones and, from what I know, are still living in marital bliss. Another, my best friend in school, waited several long years before marrying hers, but they lived together for a long while and still, for all intents and purposes, were really happy. What I know, though, is that most things come with a trade-off. A compromise. And I don't know why I just talked about marriage, because that's not the only thing...for example: when I was in my second year of college, there was this guy from the Met in New York that taught a vocal master class. He was amazing. And at the end of the class, he said "you know, you should really come audition." Stunned, I went home with full intent to tell my husband...and then I didn't even mention it, because we were Army people, get real. Singing? No. There were bills to pay. I could have gone to NYC, sure, and maybe I would have made it or maybe they would have laughed me off the stage, but either way, there would have been a trade-off.Years later, a dear friend came to tell us of the horrific scenes he witnessed on 9/11 as a New York firefighter. I began to tell him how much I loved Manhattan, and how much I'd love to go back and audition at a few places...he encouraged me to come, "stay at my place a while!" he said..."and I can get your hubby into the NYFD in Rockaway Bay." But we did not go. For I traded, again.
My mother has traded her whole life. She's not done one stinkin' thing for herself. It makes her angry, I know it does. Not angry that she's done what she's done, because I'm sure there's some gratification in knowing she raised my sister and I to be the amazing women we are (har, har). But now, because she's never stepped forward and said "what about me, world?" she finds herself alone and, well, a little trapped. It's easy to say you can start your life over in your 50's, but I think it's kind of traumatic, too. There's a man who likes her. I didn't say loves her or wants to marry her...just shows interest. I wish she'd go to a show or a meal with him. But it'd be a trade-off. She'd have to give up her comfort-zone. And if she didn't like him all that well, she'd have to figure out a way to lose him...which, regardless of what we may think, it's a lot of unnecessary stress. Life is so full of these trade-off situations.
My sister is a great singer. She takes after me. Heh. (She'll get so mad when she sees that, I can see her eyes rolling around in her head right now!) She's gone to a prestigious college for almost four years now; she graduates this year. And the trade-off? She hates her degree. She wants to perform. And I know what that feels like, to have the people around you telling you to suppress your dreams and ambitions and "be realistic." Because I've been realistic my whole life.
I don't know, either, about the few women who seem eternally happy without compromise. Did they really avoid all the fools gold before they "hit the jackpot?" Is it merely a facade? Is it possible to live the course of a life without ever, ever regretting a decision?
On the dawn of a day when I've just learned that two local lives were whisked away into the cold winter night at the mercy of an icy, snowy road, I realize we don't have a lot of time for these trade-offs. I'm not suggesting we do things irrationally, like pack up and move to Barbados to join a steel-drum band, or to ditch your comfy husband and head out in pursuit of Johnny Depp or anything. I'm just saying maybe we could all afford to take a look at our own lives and discover what trade-offs we've made. Perhaps some of them were unavoidable. Or perhaps some of them delivered pleasing results. But, perhaps some of them will make us downright sad, and give us the motivation we need to live life a little fuller.